I'm sitting here, listening to the clock and the hum of my computer, wondering if I'm going to get a phone call today. You see, I'm waiting for an opportunity to interview for a job. And again my mind second-guesses. Am I doing the right thing? You see, I feel as though I've been called to teach. If you don't understand what I mean by "called"... well, it's like being destined. Sort of. Just without that yucky feeling of having no choice. I feel as though I've been given a gift, an ability to teach. I also feel as though I am designed to be a teacher. That's what I was "built for." There's such a feeling of rest and fulfillment to be doing what you were designed to do.
Which brings me to my problem.
I have just taken two years off work for health reasons. You see, I struggle with depression, and had developed an anxiety disorder. I wasn't able to teach. I wasn't even able to cook supper. I broke under the weight of my depression, giving up entirely. Admitting I was incapable. It was hard, the hardest thing I've ever done. But once I admitted I couldn't, I started to heal. Now I've been healing for several months, slowly able to take on more work. But I don't think I'm able to, and know I'm not willing to, go back to full time teaching. At least, not yet. A full time classroom teacher always brings their work home. Their stress. Their worry for their students. It all comes home. And it affects their marriages. That is exactly why I'm not willing to do it anymore. So I'm looking for something else. Something education-related, but not classroom teaching.
Am I doing the right thing?